Chase

I think everybody who knows me or reads my blog or has recently talked to me is aware that my current goal in life is to get that much-coveted US visa and to save for a plane fare to fly there. Since I came back from the US last summer, I've devised schemes and such on how to get back there as soon as possible. I've landed that Florida internship, and I was supposed to start this coming July 20th, but due to circumstances (read: money not enough) I had to decline it. Then came Plan B. And now we (yes, WE) have Plan C.

Sometimes I'd bitterly think of the if-only's. If only my family's one of those affluent ones that could afford US vacations and thus have no problem getting tourist visas for each family member. Or, if only I am a Singaporean citizen then I'd have the privilege of taking advantage of the visa waiver program, which doesn't require a visa to go to the US (terms and conditions apply of course). And if only the fiancee visa wouldn't take so damn long to process.

On the bright side, I am already a graduate (or soon to be, but I'm 100% done with my tertiary education anyway - just waiting for the ceremony itself). I am not bonded in Singapore or anywhere else. I am now free to go wherever I want to. I just need to acquire the resources I need to make my dreams into a realization. I have this main tool - my upcoming job that would let me earn and save money and make it happen.

Even though all this planning and struggling gave me more than enough headaches and frustrations, I still am going for it with more gusto now more than ever. I know every heartache has a purpose, because God is in control of everything and does not waste resources - even my tears. I know every single drop will be worth it, and everything will all come together beautifully in His appointed time.

I really pray for guidance everyday, because I am the type of person who finds herself letting her emotions reign more than her logic, and more often than not it's when it's already too late. And I also pray for wisdom to guide my decisions, and the strength to live with my choices.

I am here, ready to chase after my dreams again; but Lord, let your will be done in my life.