SELF, FYP, etc.

Goooood morning world!!!

Okay, my part-time job here at SELF is the best part-time job evvvvaaarr. Because..apparently I can blog, surf the net, chat with MK, read the smorgasbord of books, magazines, and journals here; watch movies because we have quite a collection of CD's and DVD's, etc. I like it here because it's like a library, and if ever I'd be stuck anywhere (apart from being stranded in a tropical, white-sand beach island with MK), I'd like to be stuck in a library especially one with a Sidney Sheldon collection.

The first few weeks were stressful for me though. Everything's new, and it seemed like I had a million and one things to remember. Plus, I had to juggle it with the hell of a design project we had to do, thus resulting to me not doing my job properly, being scolded, and bawling my eyes out twice the first month. Hee!! But everything is more or less 'stable' now.

So now, my life revolves around FYP (final year project), SELF (my part-time job), and the two graduate school electives I have. Yeah, for my classes this sem, my classmates are Masters or PhD students, and there are only a handful of undergrads like me. In a way that's good because those 'oldies' (muahahahaa) inject a whole new perspective to the learning experience which I wouldn't have had a chance to expererience if I were just with mere undergrads with no knowledge of the happenings in the outside adult working world. But sometimes - no, most of the time, I feel disadvantaged because they know a lot of things they'd gathered from being more experienced, and well the grading system is based on a curve so I'm afraid they'd skew it to my disadvantage. Oh well, it's what you actually learn that really counts, plus the added benefit of getting to know some people who are already up there.

MY FYP...I love it and I hate it. In Friendster terms, the status of our relationship is It's complicated. Oh btw, I don't have a Friendster account anymore. ANYHOO. I've been seeing a lot of my FYP supervisor lately. As in like, everyday of my life I see her. My official schedule in doing my FYP is Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and most especially Friday...which is wholly reserved for FYP alone. But this Tuesday I had to do some sand sieving (which I have to re-do later), so I still went to the lab. Friday is a marathon for all the experiments and analyses, but I do stuff in advance because according to my supervisor, If not, Saturday morning also cannot finish!.

But I'm really glad I started early with my FYP. I've been doing my experiments and data-gathering for a few weeks now, and I'm getting the hang of things already. I really want to finish the bulk of my FYP (like, 75%) by end of December, so I won't have to cram during my final semester.

Okies time's up. I have to go sand-sieving again.

First Day Funk

Well well well. First day of the school year, and already bombarded with work.

I have a 4 MC module that I thought would be for the whole semester, but was SHOCKED to find out it would be over after 4 weeks. Yeah lor, 4 months became 4 weeks!!!

But it's the best way to go about doing it, the prof explained, so that we'll be discharged from that module asap and we'll get to concentrate on our FYP for the rest of the semester (and the rest of the year).

Of course there'd be a trade-off for this express module. We'd have to work on our Design Project everyday, until night, even during weekends. That's what the prof said, and he wasn't even kidding.

My design project name is Structural Support System for Excavation Work, and I don't know what the *bleep* it's asking for. Until my groupmates and I approached our prof after the lecture, that is. During my younger years here, when we're tasked to do design projects, my heart would pound and my brain cells would exterminate themselves, because they'd rather commit suicide than be slaughtered (I got that from Daphne haha).

But now, I've decided to take the proactive approach. Instead of letting fear of failure from taking over, I've decided first and foremost that this project can be done, and it can be done excellently. I admit that the first time I saw the project description, and even during the whole introductory lecture, I was blur as the most blur I can ever get. So to make things clear, my groupmates and I made our way to our prof's office, befriended him, and clarified stuff. That proved to be very helpful, and a very smart thing to do. Haha.

My group is the flower among the thorns. One of our supervisors decided to pit us girls against the boys, so our group is all-girls, while the rest of the class has all boys in them. There's only three of us anyway. But it had some perks too, coz one of my groupmates has this natural ability to do the doe-eyed look while requesting for our guy classmate to photocopy the relevant books and papers for us, for which he readily agreed to do. You go, girl!!!

I find my other class for today very interesting too. I think there are only 3-5 of us undergraduates, and the rest are all post-graduates probably doing their Master's or PhD. They all look old and married and matured haha. Some were late because they had to come from work, which is also why our classes are held in the evenings. It's just fun because they know a LOT of stuff, naturally, and I get to learn from them. I'm surprised that I am not even bothered if they skew the class grading curve to their advantage, because I know I'll benefit too just by being and learning with them. They are more pro-active, they talk more, they're not afraid to say something that might be wrong in class. Maybe it's because of their work experience, and that they've been out there in the real world, so when they're back in the classroom they're more relaxed and less afraid to share what they know.

Anyway, tomorrow at 8 I'll be meeting with my groupmates for the design project.

BRING IT ON BABY!

FYP at Week 0

Auntie Paz: O Chinky, naayos mo na ba ang gamit mo? Paalis na tayo, baka may naiwan ka.

Me: Auntie, ang puso ko po.

Yes, my school has this thing called Week 0. Lectures haven't started yet, but it's like, you know, revving up the engine for the journey for the new semester.

I spent the whole day doing something for my FYP. I woke up at 7 am but got off my bed at 7:45am, showered, and headed straight to the Engineering Workshop 2 where the lab I'm using for my FYP is located. My supervisor Dr Lee asked me to report today so I could visit the site where we collect our water samples used for our project. Mr Tan and Dr Lee were already loading the huge containers that would be filled with RO brine (the reject water of the reverse osmosis process in the water treatment plant). I came there just in time when Mr Tan was about to leave to go to the NEWater plant in Bedok.

So we drove for 45 minutes. We talked. He was nice.

Then we reached the place. Gosh. So...bland. Well, what should I expect? It's a wastewater treatment facility, so there are no colors other than gray and gray and more gray. I went there once before, but only where visitors have limited access to. That part is actually very interactive and impressive for something educational. But the real treatment plant below where all the processes take place is noisy and no-fuss kind of thing.

I am actually the type who cannot own a plain black computer or cellphone, and somemore I CANNOT TAKE GRAY surroundings. MUST HAVE COLOR ONE!!!

I stoned there for 2 hours, with periodical snap-backs to reality when the RO brine jugs get full and I'd have to transfer the small tube where the water flows into another empty jug.

Mr Tan really had a good workout as he was the only one loading the 20 or so jugs to the trolley and unto the van. So heavy sia, what can I do??? I can't even lift a jug 1 cm off the ground.

When we arrived at NUS, I went to the lab again and stayed there until 6 pm. I was assisting my supervisor with all the tests she was doing, which is also good because I'll be doing those same things on my own when I start my FYP for real.

Every single time I go for any labs here in NUS, I see instruments I have never seen before in my life. Even though the lab was well equipped in its functional sense, it's severely lacking in the aesthetics department (which is of no real use to the people there anyway, so they keep it like that). I reiterate, I just don't like gray surroundings. So to make my time at the lab more exciting, I pretended I was part of the C.S.I. team while doing the experiments using the sophisticated instruments.

I think I am getting married to my FYP.

Gosh. I can see the black hole that's going to suck all the fun and leisure as I know it for the next 9 months or so.

FYP again

WELL.

I got some depressing news today. My FYP supervisor told me I can kiss my December holidays goodbye now. At first I was like, you're kidding right? But then it dawned on me that what she's saying makes sense. She explained that the nature of my project needs me to be present all the time once it starts. It would run for a whole year, two semesters, and I can ignore the school break in between already. She said the I need to ensure that the system is running smoothly all the time or else the bacteria will die and I would have inaccurate results. To illustrate, she said something like if I leave, the bacteria will experience something like me being deprived of air.

And some more, she said December is supposedly the most productive month for final year students because there are no classes, which is also the month before our interim presentation for the project.

Wow. I think I myself will die if I don't get to spend Christmas with my family. I've never been away from my family during Christmas. NEVER. When the clock strikes 12, we would always be in our living room, in a circle and holding each other's hands, singing "I love my manita, yes I do!", pray, then exchange gifts afterwards. Please don't tell me I am going to miss that.

No, I am not going to miss that. I don't care if all hell breaks loose or the freaking bacteria would starve to death, but I am spending Christmas with my family.
Even if I'd be there for only three days, which is a far cry from one month I usually spend back home during December.

I don't know if this means I'm also saying goodbye to our church's Global Gathering on the 27th-30th Dec. HAIZ.

Anyway. I am going out with Joseph and others for Mambo Night. I think I should go out and be merry while I still can.

FYP etc

I just came back from my little discussion with my FYP (final year project) supervisor. I am actually happy he is my supervisor because even though he is smart and has all these credentials, he still falls within the range of normal human beings, you know, those who posses the ability to laugh and tell jokes and stuff.

I remember my mother's friend, who is also a highly esteemed member of the faculty at a university in Taiwan. She was telling us about a certain convention she attended and they were discussing about something very technical like high efficiency propulsion system for launching a projectile -or whatever-...then she told us all the while she was thinking why can't they just discuss about sex. Hahahahaha I really burst out laughing, then my mother had to hush her because a kid was around. And she was pertaining to me.

Okay another sidetrack, when I was in the US, we ate buffet at this restaurant. When the bill came, I was charged half-price because they took me as a kid.

I AM 21 you know, NOT 12!!! I could have already gotten married at Las Vegas if I wanted to muahahahahaa. But of course I didn't, because I still have one more year to go in university, which brings me back again to my first topic - FYP.

So. I am actually excited in this whole final year project thing. I know there would be a lot of challenges along the way. There would be times when I'd be deprived of sleep, or time for doing things that fall under the 'leisure' category...which would eventually lead to a social life that's non-existent. There'd be a lot of whining. There'd be shedding of tears, sweat, or even blood. There'd be madness and wishing for death to come. But it's only for one year, and it'd be over before I know it. Then there'd be exhilaration and self-fulfillment and euphoria. Yes, I'm expecting to experience the extremes because I want to do really good. I want to do great. You know, finish with flying colors and all that cliche (at least for my FYP, because that's too much wishful thinking if I say I'd graduate with flying colors because of the way our grading system is structured).

My last two years in high school was also spent doing something very similar. We plainly call it Research. My project title sounded even more complicated then - Coconut water as mycelial growth enhancer for Volvariella volvacea (paddy straw mushroom) - as opposed to my FYP entitled Biological activated carbon for removal of organics.

It was laborious, and honestly until now I still cannot believe my groupmates and I have this hardbound copy of our research sitting pretty on a shelf at the library in Pisay Davao. For two years my weekends (as other people know it) were gone, and computers and lab facilities became my buddies. I remember one Sunday afternoon at our home, as I was hauling my ass off to go back to Davao, my face was concurrently streaming with tears and I was hugging my mother and telling her I wanted to die already because of too much stress.

Anyway. I SURVIVED!!! Woohoo!!! Thank you God.

And some more, all our hard work paid off because we even got an award at the science fair in school. Woohoo again.

So now I am intending to have a repeat performance. Or make it even better.

My supervisor also gave me a reality check, because I asked him some advice about pursuing further studies. Then of course he emphasized good grades, like I don't already know hmpf.

I mean, sheesh, getting a headstart in life will be so much easier with remarkable grades, in a sense that you already have a passport to good scholarships or good jobs. A lot of opportunities would come knocking on your door, and your biggest problem would be confusion as to which one to choose. Of course there are remarkable people who make it in life without proper education, but they are the exception rather than the rule. They are the anomalies. They had to go through a lot of things to prove their worth, because whether we like it or not, the way the world sees a recent graduate's worth first and foremost is through his/her grades in school.

I know what I'm talking about, because I can see a vast difference in the way opportunities present themselves when I was still an exemplary student then, and a mediocre student now. Having graduated 4th out of 90 in my cohort gave me access to the conveniences and high standards of a first world country which I would never have known existed. I could have gone to any school I wanted to back home, but I was blessed with an even greater opportunity here in Singapore.

But now, if I want to apply for this or for that, they reject me because they look at my grades first, and so I don't even have the chance to show them what else I can offer.

Yeah it's not all about grades, they are not the most important things in life, but no one can deny that THEY DO MATTER. A LOT.

Anyhoo, I am just getting in touch with some sense of realism since I am going out in the real world very soon.

Whew, that was a mouthful. Actually I am just killing some time before going to dinner with Rovin, Maybeline, Robinson, and who else??

cheerios.

Fatso

Since I came back, I've only been eating once or twice a day. Maybe I am just - okay I hate to use this word to describe myself, but that's the most appropriate term for now - lazy. You know, to walk 1 million kilometers to Canteen 2 to get my food because the nearest canteen is being renovated. But I think the main reason is to get off the noticeable amount of excess fat I have accumulated from my US stint this summer. Of course, everyday buffet meals, how not to get fat mah??? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner - food galore. Plus unlimited ice cream. Please tell me how I am supposed to stay away from food heaven.

Actually now I have already shrunk to almost the same size when I left. People should have seen me like, weeks ago, when the profile view of my tummy has the same width as its front view before I left, and my tummy is jutting out more than my *.

Anyway. Warning, cryptic language alert.

Things have changed. Last time I seemed so sure because I made myself believe what I wanted to believe. I thought it was a bold move for me to go after what I want, even if I already had an idea that what I'm going for isn't entirely right. It was thrilling and exciting, and I had high hopes that that dream would substantiate into something real, almost tangible. But all I did was to reduce something venerated into something cheeky, superficial, and immature. I still would have gone on with this if not for what I now call my sweetest downfall. Now I understand why certain things in the past had to happen even if they hurt - to prepare me for this. To help me discern what is real and what is not.

These past few months I've been sooooo unlike me, but maybe I just didn't know myself that well yet. I've made shocking discoveries of what I'm capable of, and of those things that I'm not.

Right now I'm still waiting, but this time I'm pretty sure deep down in my heart that I'm not waiting in vain.

SO ANYWAY.

My Final Year Project is entitled........ *drumrolls*.........while I go and check my NUS mail again coz I forgot the title.

Biological activated carbon for removal of organics

I think I have regained my interest for environmental engineering. Actually, I think I have regained my interest for engineering in general, and that I am even thinking of further studies in engineering and finding a related job afterwards.

Woah, I really surprised myself you know.

Coz I looked left and right, front and back, and I realized that the only person telling me that I cannot do it is myself. Yep, and that can be easily changed.

Engineering. It came to a point that I had unadulterated loathing for it, but I can't also stand not having it around. I crave for the challenge it gives me, and the sense of empowerment when I overcome its many obstacles.

Woohoo is all I can say. =)