the girl engineer that is me

I was about to do some housekeeping for my computer for this recently concluded sem, and I found some photos I kept about the Design Project (the historical one-month only module) I took. It brought about painful memories of that hellish month (ang drama grabeh), but now I'm really glad I went through that experience because it feels rewarding to have overcome it. Thank you Lord.

Yeah I know I look tired. This is my typical no-fuss school get-up. Nobody really cares what people wear in engin.


So for our project, we were given a problem about constructing a supporting structure for a basement in a building so that it won't collapse while it's being made. One of the requirements was to come up with something like this, a layout plan.


We went to a real construction site to help us better visualize those abstract things described in our textbooks and engineering codes, and to see for ourselves how they do it in real life.


We were particularly concerned about these labyrinthine structures called struts because that's what we were planning to use for our design. These things look haphazard but they are actually mathematical equations materialized.


We paid attention to how these things are usually connected to each other, how far apart they must be horizontally and vertically, what kinds of bolts are used, among other things.


I could have shown a better picture but this is the only one of me donning the engineer get-up. I cannot camwhore while everyone else is busy listening to the consultant ya know.


This is the consultant, or a quarter of him anyway.


Pages upon pages of preliminary hand calculations just to get started with the design proper. Trial and error somemore.

Haha well, a very brief glimpse of what transpired during the first month of the school term. Sleepless nights, tons of perspiration, buckets of tears, and some hair loss were also part of it.

Words cannot describe how relieved I felt when it was all over.

B****

You know the b-word that also describes a female dog? She is the epitome of that.

She sent her peer evaluation form to the whole class when it is supposed to be emailed back only to our lecturer. And you know what, there is a disclaimer on the top of the form that says The information provided will be treated as confidential. Confidential my ass alright.

So now everyone gets to see it, when things like problems encountered in detail should only be kept to ourselves and not broadcasted to the public. I know I have been hinting annoyance, frustration, and disappointment in this blog about her, about my group, and about the project in general...but I never once disclosed her name because I respect her as a person. And as far as I know, none of my blog readers know who my classmates are, because they are all in different social circles.

Now I am not so sure though whether I should use the past tense of that word, respect.

My father taught me not to retaliate in situations like this because upsetting someone in the same manner he/she has faulted you will only justify that person's actions towards you. Of course I need to defend myself because some of the things she wrote are half-truths designed for her benefit. But I will send my form to be seen only by the rightful eyes, and not feasted upon by classmates who will only benefit from having a juicy bit of news for the day.

Anyway, she is really like that, I have nothing more to say. I just hope our paths would never cross again in the future. When the module bidding period comes for next semester and I see her name on the class list, I would immediately drop that module without thinking twice.

Goodbye Transportation Planning

This calls for a celebration. I am done with Transportation Planning forever and ever amen!!! Yaaaay!!! And another good news is, the paper wasn't as scary as I had expected, and I think I would do ok. :)

But I still have one more paper to go, Environmental Management Systems. I like this module, but I have a very petty problem with my lecturer. It's not at all his fault that he reminds me of someone whom he also shares his last name with. The first time I attended his lecture, my eyes became as wide as saucers because he and this person have the same mannerisms. And I do not need any more reminders of this person.

Anyway, I shall not mention his name lest this post will pop out at Google, like what probably happened with this certain Belgian lecturer I blogged about before. It was back in Year 1 and I had a crush on him but I loathed the way he taught us, because really he cannot teach...and it's really embarrassing because I think he managed to read whatever I wrote and every time I bump into him at the hallways in Engin he would have this secret smirk (or is it always just my imagination?) - also because I successfully managed to grab the lowest mark possible for his module without really trying. I was horrified to know that he actually knows me, knows where I come from...because I thought I was a nondescript individual out of a sea of 300 faces in class.

In other news...I was curious about what happened to me this very day in the past. This is what I found out:

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

my first semester as an official NUS undergrad...

i was demoralized and disheartened,

dared until demented,

tortured beyond tolerance...

i had been to the edge and back

and still in one piece...

~aLL gLoRy AnD HonOr And PrAisE To My GoD aLonE

wHo SusTAiNed Me and NevEr LeFt me No MatTer What.~

WoooooHoooooo!!!! the sem is finally over!!!!

Well, my sem's not over yet. And even when I'm done with my last paper for this sem, I still have my final year project waiting for me. I will have to do a multitude of tests and analyses and the whole shebang, and start writing my report too especially for the coming interim presentation this January.

Gulp.

But it's amazing when I think about it. Wow, congratulations to myself, I have come a long way. It wasn't easy, which I think is glaringly obvious from the post I dug up and displayed above. But God's always been with me through the ups and downs, and I take heart in His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me whatever happens. FYP, kaya to!!!

Transportation Planning

My teacher has a sense of humor.

Click to enlarge.


This module, Transportation Planning, is *$#%$#&*^$$%. Go figure. I spent 3000 bid points for this at the beginning of the sem (yes, we are pre-allocated bid points and we spend them accordingly to get our subjects). To put that into perspective, I had to bid only 1 puny point for my other modules. Well, regrets in life do come later right.

Last lecture, I had to excuse myself from class to go out and cry, and went back only when the lecture was already done.

Anyhoo, Nov 30 would be Independence Day for this module. And I will never take Transportation Planning modules ever again.

Ha ha.

I THINK THIS IS A BIG JOKE.

MY THUMB DRIVE IS GONE.

SO FUNNY RIGHT?????

and i have a deadline later. no, i have 15 million deadlines later.

Tired.

I am tired to be in an environment where being stressed is the norm, where appearing relaxed and 'happy' is misconstrued as being a slacker, where people boast among themselves who is more busy, where people scoff at you for doing lesser modules than them, where drowning in work is a badge of honor and having 'free time' means you are not doing enough, where maligning another person's work to elevate oneself is not uncommon, where cutthroat competition is ubiquitous, where not being able to breathe should be the case, and where my efforts are NEVER enough.

But then again...

If I really think about it, there are still a lot of people who would rather trade places with me regardless of my whining. Like the people at the hospital, where I came from just now. I think they would rather be stressed in school than lying in a hospital bed with alien tubes connected to their bodies, suffering from diminished health and being in physical pain.

...He is strong enough to shake all earth and heaven
Yet meek enough to take me as I am.
He says come unto to me
All who are weary
And I will give you rest...

I am trying to look at the glass as half-full, not half-empty.

PS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVY!

TPsux.

I can't wait for my transportation planning project to be over. But the lecturers haven't even set a deadline for it yet.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I need patience.

Right now.

Design Project volume 10000000000

Yesterday (and the first 4 hours of today) was one of the most stressful days of my life. My group mates and I finished our group meeting at around 3:30 AM.

Yeah lor, 3:30 AM and I am still in one of the benches in engin, stressing my brain cells out in calculating the axial forces and buckling resistances and whatnot of our proposed strutting system design. At the same time I was feeling very angry because we had to stay out late, because of the cut-throat competition in class, and because of the stressful nature of life in Singapore in general. I mean, yeah, no wonder Singapore is so progressive and booming and everything, a great feat for a country that's just a puny dot on the world map...but to the expense of its people having an onerous means of living. Everything is fast-paced, that sometimes I feel if I try to stop and smell the roses, I'd get run over by people going about their lives in the fast lane.

Anyway, we had our second presentation a while ago. That's why I found some time to blog, because my group mates and I are trying to catch our breath after all the rush before the presentation. It didn't go well though, and it was even disastrous. Yeah, even though we meet everyday to discuss. Even though we worked very hard. But it's okay, the professors were very understanding, because they can see our efforts despite the fact that none of us has taken any structural steel design modules before, which would have taught us all the basics in what we're designing for. So basically it's self-learning from scratch, and in one week's time. (Last week was for the geotechnical part, and for that we did well).

While presenting, it was apparent we were doing very poorly. We were the last ones to present and the groups before us presented stuff that we didn't even know should be included. So even before our turn we already knew we were going to "die". Surprisingly, the supervisors didn't scold us nor demean us. They were very sympathetic actually hehe. After we presented I wanted to cry because of Prof Phoon again, but this time it's because I'm very touched by his genuine care and concern for our group. He is really the bestest best mentor I've had here in NUS. Really.

Hmm. One funny thing about this design project is that the supervisors in charge actually thought we didn't have any other classes apart from this. The revelation came when one of them overheard my friend ask another classmate whether he has finished his assignment for another class, then the supervisor suddenly exclaimed "HUH? You have other classes apart from this???" Then we were also shocked and said "Of course!!!". Then he was like, "I thought they suspended the other classes until after your design project is over?"



WALAU. WHERE GOT SUCH THING MAN????

Anyway, now we know why they make our life so difficult like that. And now they know why we are so stressed.

Oh yeah, yesterday I felt bad for my groupmate too, because when she told her overprotective sister she will be coming home late because of the project, she was asked "IS THAT YOUR EXCUSE FOR STAYING AT *boyfriend's name* HOUSE TONIGHT???".

Hmm, so stressed already then got accused somemore. Then she began screaming her head off while arguing with her sister on the phone. Then her sister called my other group mate to confirm about the project thingy, and so my other groupmate had to convince the sister that yes, we are in fact really working hard on our project while she's having unclean thoughts about her younger sister who's already under so much pressure . Inevitably, my groupmate burst out crying because her family doesn't trust her, and probably because we still had a lot of things to do and it was already very late.

Anyway. Yeah, life is full of drama and tears nowadays because of this thing. Everyday when I wake up I'll ask God for strength to get through the day, else I might just snap haha.

And yeah. Good thing there's John. =)

First Day Funk

Well well well. First day of the school year, and already bombarded with work.

I have a 4 MC module that I thought would be for the whole semester, but was SHOCKED to find out it would be over after 4 weeks. Yeah lor, 4 months became 4 weeks!!!

But it's the best way to go about doing it, the prof explained, so that we'll be discharged from that module asap and we'll get to concentrate on our FYP for the rest of the semester (and the rest of the year).

Of course there'd be a trade-off for this express module. We'd have to work on our Design Project everyday, until night, even during weekends. That's what the prof said, and he wasn't even kidding.

My design project name is Structural Support System for Excavation Work, and I don't know what the *bleep* it's asking for. Until my groupmates and I approached our prof after the lecture, that is. During my younger years here, when we're tasked to do design projects, my heart would pound and my brain cells would exterminate themselves, because they'd rather commit suicide than be slaughtered (I got that from Daphne haha).

But now, I've decided to take the proactive approach. Instead of letting fear of failure from taking over, I've decided first and foremost that this project can be done, and it can be done excellently. I admit that the first time I saw the project description, and even during the whole introductory lecture, I was blur as the most blur I can ever get. So to make things clear, my groupmates and I made our way to our prof's office, befriended him, and clarified stuff. That proved to be very helpful, and a very smart thing to do. Haha.

My group is the flower among the thorns. One of our supervisors decided to pit us girls against the boys, so our group is all-girls, while the rest of the class has all boys in them. There's only three of us anyway. But it had some perks too, coz one of my groupmates has this natural ability to do the doe-eyed look while requesting for our guy classmate to photocopy the relevant books and papers for us, for which he readily agreed to do. You go, girl!!!

I find my other class for today very interesting too. I think there are only 3-5 of us undergraduates, and the rest are all post-graduates probably doing their Master's or PhD. They all look old and married and matured haha. Some were late because they had to come from work, which is also why our classes are held in the evenings. It's just fun because they know a LOT of stuff, naturally, and I get to learn from them. I'm surprised that I am not even bothered if they skew the class grading curve to their advantage, because I know I'll benefit too just by being and learning with them. They are more pro-active, they talk more, they're not afraid to say something that might be wrong in class. Maybe it's because of their work experience, and that they've been out there in the real world, so when they're back in the classroom they're more relaxed and less afraid to share what they know.

Anyway, tomorrow at 8 I'll be meeting with my groupmates for the design project.

BRING IT ON BABY!

Sem 7

So now I think I have finalized my semester 7 timetable. I am taking up 6 modules. Woowhew! Let's see, there's my Final Year Project, Design Project, 2 Level 5 modules also being taken up by people pursuing their master's degree, there's one module for my minor, and I've just registered for Chinese 1 (I'm the highest bidder with 1300 points thanks to Wayne's magic tricks).

And I am also working part-time at the Self-access English Learning Facility (SELF) here on campus to save up some funds for my US trip next year. Haha=)

Well, this looks like an overdrive, because normally people in their final year only take up 4 modules per semester to focus on the FYPs I guess.

Anyway. I have valid reasons why I am filling up most of the hours in my weekly schedule. But I hope I do not compromise my sanity.

So help me God.

Fatso

Since I came back, I've only been eating once or twice a day. Maybe I am just - okay I hate to use this word to describe myself, but that's the most appropriate term for now - lazy. You know, to walk 1 million kilometers to Canteen 2 to get my food because the nearest canteen is being renovated. But I think the main reason is to get off the noticeable amount of excess fat I have accumulated from my US stint this summer. Of course, everyday buffet meals, how not to get fat mah??? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner - food galore. Plus unlimited ice cream. Please tell me how I am supposed to stay away from food heaven.

Actually now I have already shrunk to almost the same size when I left. People should have seen me like, weeks ago, when the profile view of my tummy has the same width as its front view before I left, and my tummy is jutting out more than my *.

Anyway. Warning, cryptic language alert.

Things have changed. Last time I seemed so sure because I made myself believe what I wanted to believe. I thought it was a bold move for me to go after what I want, even if I already had an idea that what I'm going for isn't entirely right. It was thrilling and exciting, and I had high hopes that that dream would substantiate into something real, almost tangible. But all I did was to reduce something venerated into something cheeky, superficial, and immature. I still would have gone on with this if not for what I now call my sweetest downfall. Now I understand why certain things in the past had to happen even if they hurt - to prepare me for this. To help me discern what is real and what is not.

These past few months I've been sooooo unlike me, but maybe I just didn't know myself that well yet. I've made shocking discoveries of what I'm capable of, and of those things that I'm not.

Right now I'm still waiting, but this time I'm pretty sure deep down in my heart that I'm not waiting in vain.

SO ANYWAY.

My Final Year Project is entitled........ *drumrolls*.........while I go and check my NUS mail again coz I forgot the title.

Biological activated carbon for removal of organics

I think I have regained my interest for environmental engineering. Actually, I think I have regained my interest for engineering in general, and that I am even thinking of further studies in engineering and finding a related job afterwards.

Woah, I really surprised myself you know.

Coz I looked left and right, front and back, and I realized that the only person telling me that I cannot do it is myself. Yep, and that can be easily changed.

Engineering. It came to a point that I had unadulterated loathing for it, but I can't also stand not having it around. I crave for the challenge it gives me, and the sense of empowerment when I overcome its many obstacles.

Woohoo is all I can say. =)