Design Project volume 10000000000

Yesterday (and the first 4 hours of today) was one of the most stressful days of my life. My group mates and I finished our group meeting at around 3:30 AM.

Yeah lor, 3:30 AM and I am still in one of the benches in engin, stressing my brain cells out in calculating the axial forces and buckling resistances and whatnot of our proposed strutting system design. At the same time I was feeling very angry because we had to stay out late, because of the cut-throat competition in class, and because of the stressful nature of life in Singapore in general. I mean, yeah, no wonder Singapore is so progressive and booming and everything, a great feat for a country that's just a puny dot on the world map...but to the expense of its people having an onerous means of living. Everything is fast-paced, that sometimes I feel if I try to stop and smell the roses, I'd get run over by people going about their lives in the fast lane.

Anyway, we had our second presentation a while ago. That's why I found some time to blog, because my group mates and I are trying to catch our breath after all the rush before the presentation. It didn't go well though, and it was even disastrous. Yeah, even though we meet everyday to discuss. Even though we worked very hard. But it's okay, the professors were very understanding, because they can see our efforts despite the fact that none of us has taken any structural steel design modules before, which would have taught us all the basics in what we're designing for. So basically it's self-learning from scratch, and in one week's time. (Last week was for the geotechnical part, and for that we did well).

While presenting, it was apparent we were doing very poorly. We were the last ones to present and the groups before us presented stuff that we didn't even know should be included. So even before our turn we already knew we were going to "die". Surprisingly, the supervisors didn't scold us nor demean us. They were very sympathetic actually hehe. After we presented I wanted to cry because of Prof Phoon again, but this time it's because I'm very touched by his genuine care and concern for our group. He is really the bestest best mentor I've had here in NUS. Really.

Hmm. One funny thing about this design project is that the supervisors in charge actually thought we didn't have any other classes apart from this. The revelation came when one of them overheard my friend ask another classmate whether he has finished his assignment for another class, then the supervisor suddenly exclaimed "HUH? You have other classes apart from this???" Then we were also shocked and said "Of course!!!". Then he was like, "I thought they suspended the other classes until after your design project is over?"



WALAU. WHERE GOT SUCH THING MAN????

Anyway, now we know why they make our life so difficult like that. And now they know why we are so stressed.

Oh yeah, yesterday I felt bad for my groupmate too, because when she told her overprotective sister she will be coming home late because of the project, she was asked "IS THAT YOUR EXCUSE FOR STAYING AT *boyfriend's name* HOUSE TONIGHT???".

Hmm, so stressed already then got accused somemore. Then she began screaming her head off while arguing with her sister on the phone. Then her sister called my other group mate to confirm about the project thingy, and so my other groupmate had to convince the sister that yes, we are in fact really working hard on our project while she's having unclean thoughts about her younger sister who's already under so much pressure . Inevitably, my groupmate burst out crying because her family doesn't trust her, and probably because we still had a lot of things to do and it was already very late.

Anyway. Yeah, life is full of drama and tears nowadays because of this thing. Everyday when I wake up I'll ask God for strength to get through the day, else I might just snap haha.

And yeah. Good thing there's John. =)

design project-induced tears, volume 2.

Finally, a night without having to meet for design project. But that is because both my groupmates are also my classmates for another module, and we have an assignment due next week, so we've decided to do that first.

Something remarkable happened a while ago. I missed the design project briefing again because I was working at SELF (yeah I'm doing a part-time job at the Self-access English Learning Facility, aka SELF, at school). I rushed to the structural lab, and when I entered, it was right when Prof Male-Chauvinist-Pig was adjourning the briefing. So anyway, wow, too late for me. I felt bad, coz yesterday I missed it too, and I'm concerned I'm giving them a bad impression about my commitment for this project. I mean, they do not know the tremendous amount of effort I put in coz they are not there when I try to run the software and analyze stuff until 4 or 5 in the morning, or my input when my groupmates and I have a discussion. It's just that I am working some days of the week, and it's only for 3 hours at most per day. But the thing is, my working hours coincide with the project briefing time slots. AND THE PROJECT BRIEFING TIMESLOTS only came out AFTER I've committed myself to working at SELF, so I'd also have to answer to my boss there if I don't show up at work.

I raised this concern with Prof Serious-But-Friendly, but then he replied something like I owe him some points now coz I'm always not there. This just made me feel worse, thanks very much. I mean, I am working my ass off and have become zombified because of this, but they don't know that, so they think otherwise.

Well, I felt my cheeks burning and a lump on my throat was starting to form, so I excused myself out of the room and sat by the stairs outside, and well I just broke down and cried a river. I was just very tired, and I felt unappreciated. Apparently, I was crying quite loudly and Mr Kind-Lab-Technician stopped by and offered some tissue. I sort of shoo-ed him away and insisted I was okay. Well, he went away, but told the people in the room about me so my groupmates came out rushing to see if I was alright. They said they thought I'd fallen off somewhere or what, coz the way the lab technician told them, it was like I was seriously hurt. And our structural engineering lab, it looks like a warehouse where goons in the movies kill each other, that kind of thing.

So anyway, my groupmates tried to console me and reassured me that they don't think I'm lazy and stuff, and I'm really grateful for them. While we were having this session, Prof Serious-But-Friendly also passed by and saw my tear-streaked face. Then my groupmate told him it was his fault I'm crying haha, then he said sorry. He added that I must not take things too hard.

Well I am really just like that. I cry whenever I face temporary setbacks. It's my way of releasing all the negative energy that's inside of me, or else I cannot cope. And somemore his joke wasn't very funny and I am just super stressed these days.

Well anyway, this thing is gonna be over soon.

Now I'm going to the library to do my transportation planning assignment. What a great way to spend a Friday night.


PS

I REALLY MISS MY DAYS AT THE GRAND CANYON. It's super different from this kind of (non)life.

Design Project

Expletives galore.

*(&Y*%TE&^#W&$WT^$Q%$W$Q@Q@#@#%$W%#()*()*&^%*&$^%^%$#$@#$!$#@$#W$%EI*)(*&&^&*%$%$^%$#$^#$%^W^%$#%$^&%^U^U&*U*&^%^%&^%$^%$^Y&%^R&%$*&*&*_)_+_++)(**^^&%$#$@@#@#$#@@#@##@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Design project. Wow, I didn't expect I'd already be burnt out by the third day of the schoolyear. Coz of the very short duration of this module, the supervisors expect us to focus on this module alone until it's done. Like, please-ignore-your-other-subjects-and-put-aside-your-FYP-for-now kind of thing. This afternoon, we were proudly presenting what we have so far to our prof, but sadly for them it's not good enough. He even asked us, "Why only this? You didn't work last night?" NIGHT. Yeah they expect us to work day and night.

Mind you, I drag my sleepy body out of bed and into school, inside the lab, at 8 or 9 am, stay there and do design project work until until until until until we die la. I mean, it's already 10pm+ and I just got back you know. Then I'd still have to do some more design project work before I go to bed.

MADNESS, can????

Oh yeah, so while at the lab, my sanity almost reached its limits. My head was already pounding while showing our prof what we've done using the software and how we've come up with the design parameters and stuff.

Anyway. 4 weeks less three days more to go. I think we are progressing too, so that's good!

And yeah, thank you God for every ounce of strength and for every source of happiness you provide me. I appreciate it.

First Day Funk

Well well well. First day of the school year, and already bombarded with work.

I have a 4 MC module that I thought would be for the whole semester, but was SHOCKED to find out it would be over after 4 weeks. Yeah lor, 4 months became 4 weeks!!!

But it's the best way to go about doing it, the prof explained, so that we'll be discharged from that module asap and we'll get to concentrate on our FYP for the rest of the semester (and the rest of the year).

Of course there'd be a trade-off for this express module. We'd have to work on our Design Project everyday, until night, even during weekends. That's what the prof said, and he wasn't even kidding.

My design project name is Structural Support System for Excavation Work, and I don't know what the *bleep* it's asking for. Until my groupmates and I approached our prof after the lecture, that is. During my younger years here, when we're tasked to do design projects, my heart would pound and my brain cells would exterminate themselves, because they'd rather commit suicide than be slaughtered (I got that from Daphne haha).

But now, I've decided to take the proactive approach. Instead of letting fear of failure from taking over, I've decided first and foremost that this project can be done, and it can be done excellently. I admit that the first time I saw the project description, and even during the whole introductory lecture, I was blur as the most blur I can ever get. So to make things clear, my groupmates and I made our way to our prof's office, befriended him, and clarified stuff. That proved to be very helpful, and a very smart thing to do. Haha.

My group is the flower among the thorns. One of our supervisors decided to pit us girls against the boys, so our group is all-girls, while the rest of the class has all boys in them. There's only three of us anyway. But it had some perks too, coz one of my groupmates has this natural ability to do the doe-eyed look while requesting for our guy classmate to photocopy the relevant books and papers for us, for which he readily agreed to do. You go, girl!!!

I find my other class for today very interesting too. I think there are only 3-5 of us undergraduates, and the rest are all post-graduates probably doing their Master's or PhD. They all look old and married and matured haha. Some were late because they had to come from work, which is also why our classes are held in the evenings. It's just fun because they know a LOT of stuff, naturally, and I get to learn from them. I'm surprised that I am not even bothered if they skew the class grading curve to their advantage, because I know I'll benefit too just by being and learning with them. They are more pro-active, they talk more, they're not afraid to say something that might be wrong in class. Maybe it's because of their work experience, and that they've been out there in the real world, so when they're back in the classroom they're more relaxed and less afraid to share what they know.

Anyway, tomorrow at 8 I'll be meeting with my groupmates for the design project.

BRING IT ON BABY!