I, Robot

Please tell me that there is more to life than my stupid FYP.

I really hate it.

I am lost.

Quarter-life crisis, you are 4 years too early (a slight modification of what Jesa lamented a year ago).

I do not even know what I want to do with my life after I get out of here. I have so many options swimming in my head, all of which require sacrifices. I am not sure which one to go for.

I am so unmotivated. I switch on to "robot mode" while doing my school requirements because frankly I am really sick of it. I am just doing things because I know that I would hate the consequences even more if I do not do what I am supposed to do.

I want to get out of school, yet, what is out there in the real world waiting for me? Does society need someone like me? Does it need my talents? Will it welcome what I have to offer?

Here in NUS the rewards have NEVER been commensurate to the efforts I have exerted. The most recent example is my grade for Design Project, if you remember that one hell of a module I took last sem. My group mates and I put in a gargantuan amount of effort we thought was worthy of an "A" (or A+, coz we are ambitious people), and we even believed we were going to get it...but when last sem's results came, a "B" stared at me blankly from the computer screen. B is a decent grade, given my history of C's, D's, and an F during my first year. They've been all since replaced mostly by grades in the B range, some A-minuses...but never A's, even though an A has always been expected to grace my transcript for every semester after an awful first year.

There is something lacking. I feel overworked, yet ironically I feel my talents are under-utilized. Can you tell that I am miserable? Can you feel it?

Only God can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony.

I wonder how this story ends.