design project-induced tears, volume 2.

Finally, a night without having to meet for design project. But that is because both my groupmates are also my classmates for another module, and we have an assignment due next week, so we've decided to do that first.

Something remarkable happened a while ago. I missed the design project briefing again because I was working at SELF (yeah I'm doing a part-time job at the Self-access English Learning Facility, aka SELF, at school). I rushed to the structural lab, and when I entered, it was right when Prof Male-Chauvinist-Pig was adjourning the briefing. So anyway, wow, too late for me. I felt bad, coz yesterday I missed it too, and I'm concerned I'm giving them a bad impression about my commitment for this project. I mean, they do not know the tremendous amount of effort I put in coz they are not there when I try to run the software and analyze stuff until 4 or 5 in the morning, or my input when my groupmates and I have a discussion. It's just that I am working some days of the week, and it's only for 3 hours at most per day. But the thing is, my working hours coincide with the project briefing time slots. AND THE PROJECT BRIEFING TIMESLOTS only came out AFTER I've committed myself to working at SELF, so I'd also have to answer to my boss there if I don't show up at work.

I raised this concern with Prof Serious-But-Friendly, but then he replied something like I owe him some points now coz I'm always not there. This just made me feel worse, thanks very much. I mean, I am working my ass off and have become zombified because of this, but they don't know that, so they think otherwise.

Well, I felt my cheeks burning and a lump on my throat was starting to form, so I excused myself out of the room and sat by the stairs outside, and well I just broke down and cried a river. I was just very tired, and I felt unappreciated. Apparently, I was crying quite loudly and Mr Kind-Lab-Technician stopped by and offered some tissue. I sort of shoo-ed him away and insisted I was okay. Well, he went away, but told the people in the room about me so my groupmates came out rushing to see if I was alright. They said they thought I'd fallen off somewhere or what, coz the way the lab technician told them, it was like I was seriously hurt. And our structural engineering lab, it looks like a warehouse where goons in the movies kill each other, that kind of thing.

So anyway, my groupmates tried to console me and reassured me that they don't think I'm lazy and stuff, and I'm really grateful for them. While we were having this session, Prof Serious-But-Friendly also passed by and saw my tear-streaked face. Then my groupmate told him it was his fault I'm crying haha, then he said sorry. He added that I must not take things too hard.

Well I am really just like that. I cry whenever I face temporary setbacks. It's my way of releasing all the negative energy that's inside of me, or else I cannot cope. And somemore his joke wasn't very funny and I am just super stressed these days.

Well anyway, this thing is gonna be over soon.

Now I'm going to the library to do my transportation planning assignment. What a great way to spend a Friday night.


PS

I REALLY MISS MY DAYS AT THE GRAND CANYON. It's super different from this kind of (non)life.