Death

My design project woes now all seem immaterial. I got a call from my father a while ago, and I immediately sensed that his voice failed to hide his heavy heart. I learned that his brother, my uncle, had been shot to death at 4am today. Four fatal shots took his life away just like that.

I remember getting a similar call from my sister almost 4 years ago. She was crying when she told me my grandfather's been stabbed to death at his house.

Why is the world so cruel? It seems that people are so fond of killing my relatives. It's so fun is it????

It makes me angry. Angry with the heartless criminals who did these things. It makes me scared. Scared because the things I see on TV about people killing each other is now in real life, and there's no stop button or rewind button or that one that you use to flip the channels. The nightmare has become a reality.

If you ask me what my greatest fear in life is, it's losing the people I love. I admit I am not very close to my grandfather nor to my uncle, but I care for them enough because they're my family and I've shed tears because of their passing. They were proud of me...hmm...especially my uncle. Every time I'm back home, and I'd see him, he'd always greet me "How are you Miss Singapore?". He was very proud of the fact that he has a niece studying in one of the best universities in the world, and he'd always make it known to people. He'd introduce me to his friends that come over, and it made me feel very special. He'd engage me in intelligent conversations in front of family members, and would ask me thought-provoking questions. I never really told him that I appreciated him for putting me in his league of "the smart ones" like himself. Now I would never be able to.

I can't imagine the pain my aunt is going through right now. She's left with three small kids to care for. When I say small, I mean really small. Really young. Gosh...

If there's anything positive in this whole situation at all, maybe it's the way my father is dealing with his loss. When he lost his dad, my grandfather, he could have been very angry and just send those suspects straight to jail, because the police were pretty sure those bastards did it anyway, and my family had access to power that could make them rot in jail for the rest of their lives. But there was still a very small doubt, a very small possibility that maybe the suspects were not the ones who really did it. He explained to me that if we wrongly convict those people, what about their families? He still had compassion in his heart despite everything. He's just leaving it all to God, believing that justice would be served - if not in this life, then the next.

And now, some cold-blooded murderer has taken his brother away forever, and he called to ask me to pray.

Sometimes, I really don't understand why things like this have to happen. If it happens to other people, you'd think, "Oh, God must have a reason. It just had to happen to fulfill his perfect will, his grand plans, which is not actually to harm us but to prosper us...". Yeah it's true, I believe in my heart all those things, but you can't deny the person his right to acknowledge pain, anger, confusion, and doubt in His promised love and protection.

Anyway, last time, I wished my grandfather's killers would die a slow and painful and horrible death too. But that's not the way God would want me to react. I am trying my best not to harbor angry thoughts anymore. I surrender this situation to God, and I pray for strength to my family members who are suffering the most from this loss. I hope they can see past this trial. I pray that they'd never lose hope.