Ladies Day Out

It took a while for me to befriend my flatmates in Boon Lay. I was the youngest in the house and at first I felt alienated. But during my last week there, I've finally warmed up to everybody and now I miss my big sisters, because I don't have any real ones since I'm the eldest among the siblings in the family. Now I know why our youngest never would want to trade places with me.

Ate Imee (my closest roommate) and I

Ate J.Lo, Ate Dolly, and Ate Imee. Whenever Ate J.Lo sings, instead of requesting for a showdown, people want a shutdown.



We went to the Merlion area in Suntec and saw this newlywed couple walking past.



It made me want to jump off the bridge. But I remembered my promise to my father.



My immediate future part 1



My immediate future part 2. This is the construction site of the Marina Bay integrated resort where I'll be working.



Merlion


Other side of the bridge



I love nature. Yup.



Merlion, closer.

Keep Holding On

I will never give up because I love you.

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know
I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
no I won't give in

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make
it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm
here for you
There's nothing you can say (nothin' you can say)
Nothing
you can do (nothin' you can do)
there's no other way when it comes to the
truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
(ah ah)
I'll fight and defend (ah ah) yeah yeah

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just,
stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through

We'll
make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change trust in me
Whatever's
meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah....

La da da da, la da da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep
holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make
it through

Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh
Keep holdin' on
Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh
Keep holdin' on
There's nothing you could say
Nothing
you could say
nothin you could do
nothing you could do
There's no
other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know
we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Photo op

Me: Okay picture, picture!

Me: For the sake of this picture please pretend that you love each other very much.

Sumunod naman haha:)

But the truth is...

Atik lang Pao. :)

Home

This is one of the reasons I miss home, because I could just anyhow do this.

too late

*click image to enlarge*

Ha. This email came 6 months too late! I know I started out my job hunting roughly in January, and it had been a major distraction in my studies. When I replied to the job ad for this company, I was really hoping for them to want me back. I'd often checked my email to see if they'd already contacted me. But no. After months of waiting, I thought my application had plunged to the abyss and resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably never hear from them again.

I emailed them back and told them I've already been hired by another company working on the same project. (I got the job last March).

And most probably, the others on the mailing list have landed themselves jobs in other companies too. Most of the people I know in my cohort (at least those who attend the lectures), are already working now, or waiting for the employment pass to get approved so they could start work (like me). I don't think it was a smart move for this company to start the recruitment process only after graduation, when their rival companies have already been actively hiring since February (during the job fair in NUS) or even before that. And of course, final year students would want to secure a job as soon as possible, even if they plan to maybe travel first, because they usually have the option to defer the start work date.

Well, all the best in their recruitment process.

Everlasting

Thoughts while on the MRT yesterday (yes, I wrote it down on the back page of the booklet Chin gave me for CG):

God is so good. Everything really has a purpose. I'm glad I'm listening to that voice within me that says I don't have to worry, that everything is in control. God has already planned all my life's events even before I came to existence. I had been very anxious about tomorrow and days after that, such that I burden my present with worries that would soon prove themselves to be unfounded. God is so amazing, His timing is always perfect. I was in the Philippines at that time I was there because God knows that's what I needed, and even though I had been complaining about being in Singapore right now without nothing much to do and being lonely, I am here right now so I could attend dance practices for the Youth Day and give glory to Him on the actual day we will be performing.

Probably, my employment pass is taking so long to get approved so that I will decide to finally defer my work start date altogether to be with my family from July 10th-17th and have a fun-filled vacation with them.

****

Only God knows how much I am hurting these past few days, and I don't even know the reason why this is happening. Have I done something wrong? But if this hurt is what it takes to make me fully surrender myself to God, to finally make a decision to give Him my full trust and ignite the desire to serve Him, then I thank God for this pain. This too shall pass, and I know God will never leave me nor forsake me no matter what happens. And I mean, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

In life, God had gven me victories over my struggles, and I had not been grateful enough to bring back the glory to Him. Now in times of great despair, let my lips praise you Lord, for it is during these times that I feel your presence the most. I love you Lord, and thank you for everything you've done in my life.

***

Though I may not undertsand all the plans you have for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of faith I can clearly see
God is good all the time.

-Don Moen

Chase

I think everybody who knows me or reads my blog or has recently talked to me is aware that my current goal in life is to get that much-coveted US visa and to save for a plane fare to fly there. Since I came back from the US last summer, I've devised schemes and such on how to get back there as soon as possible. I've landed that Florida internship, and I was supposed to start this coming July 20th, but due to circumstances (read: money not enough) I had to decline it. Then came Plan B. And now we (yes, WE) have Plan C.

Sometimes I'd bitterly think of the if-only's. If only my family's one of those affluent ones that could afford US vacations and thus have no problem getting tourist visas for each family member. Or, if only I am a Singaporean citizen then I'd have the privilege of taking advantage of the visa waiver program, which doesn't require a visa to go to the US (terms and conditions apply of course). And if only the fiancee visa wouldn't take so damn long to process.

On the bright side, I am already a graduate (or soon to be, but I'm 100% done with my tertiary education anyway - just waiting for the ceremony itself). I am not bonded in Singapore or anywhere else. I am now free to go wherever I want to. I just need to acquire the resources I need to make my dreams into a realization. I have this main tool - my upcoming job that would let me earn and save money and make it happen.

Even though all this planning and struggling gave me more than enough headaches and frustrations, I still am going for it with more gusto now more than ever. I know every heartache has a purpose, because God is in control of everything and does not waste resources - even my tears. I know every single drop will be worth it, and everything will all come together beautifully in His appointed time.

I really pray for guidance everyday, because I am the type of person who finds herself letting her emotions reign more than her logic, and more often than not it's when it's already too late. And I also pray for wisdom to guide my decisions, and the strength to live with my choices.

I am here, ready to chase after my dreams again; but Lord, let your will be done in my life.

365 and 1/4 days of MKandSandslobness

I know between the two of us, he is the poet. But I'll try okay. :)

One year ago was the beginning of forever
Nothing in this world, I learned, we cannot weather.
Even 9543 miles nor days apart could not tear us
Years only enrich the love that we share.
Each and every moment of my waking hour
And as my heart beats, I always go about
Reminiscing and hoping for us to soon be together.

***

I'm a huge fan of Ala Paredes, her blog, and her artwork. And it just happens I could really relate to this too. I wish I could have the full version of this but I think she's particular about copyright stuff (of course she should be), so I only managed to get this without the watermark. If it's too small, the words read "What does it all mean without you?". I think that's her, looking over Sydney, where her family just migrated. For Valentine's Day, she sent a snail mail to the Philippines.

***

Right now my laptop sits on the same table where my house mate has hers, and she's talking to the other half of their long-distance love affair. Bits and pieces of petty fights, I-miss-you's, and other ingredients that make up a long-distance love chat cannot escape my ears. It'll only be 2 weeks of waiting left, and they will be together. I wish I could say the same thing about me.

But I know it has to be this way for now. I've finally learned to summon that elusive inner peace and surrendered this matter to God, because the more I struggle to have my own way, the deeper I get sucked into the pool of misery I'd almost been drowning in. It's time to trust again, and to keep on believing, because God does make all things beautiful in His time.

***

Bikoy, I know I tell you every day, but I'll tell you again. I love you. I first loved you the day I told myself I didn't. But love works in mysterious ways, and I am very grateful I can freely tell myself and the rest of the world that I love you, John Everett Fisher. I love you now, and I will always love you until my earthly body ceases to be. I will still love you even after that, because surely a love this strong can find a way how.

Happy first year anniversary mahal ko, and I know we will have a gazillion more to come. :)

Stolen Pic

I stole this picture from his mom's Facebook. I couldn't help it.

Let's Go Kayaking

NOTE: BY the way I'm not going anymore. We have dance practice that day for the Youth Day at church this July. So for anybody who's interested na lang. :)

***

I was looking around campus for announcements on summer events, since right now I am a summer bum and I would like to live up the name. Hey who wants to join me on the 28th???:) Actually I half-signed up already and the girl asked me if I'm bringing any friends along. I haven't replied back. So how? KAYAK what, watersports, so fun can??? By the way there's a $25 fee. If nobody comes I'll still go to fix my current anti-social self. But hey having friends around would be tons, tons more fun!!!!

***

The King Edward VII Hall of National University of Singapore presents, Kayaking Orientation Programme! Ever wanted to kayak but did not have the chance to? Come join us at Kallang River on the 28th June 2008 for a one helluva fun kayaking trip!

The journey will be 4 hours long, kayaking from the Kallang Sea Sports Club to the Singapore Flyer! No experience is needed, no 1 Star qualification is needed, just you and your friends!

If you have any questions or are keen to sign up, please contact Shu Yi at 9773 9296, or leave your contact here and we'll get back to you!

So see you there!!

metalmouth no more

Photos taken at my house on the day I had my braces removed after 6 loooooong years.

(My dentist is in the Philippines, and I'm based in Singapore. I'm supposed to visit her every month, but I only get to see her on summer vacations and Christmas holidays, that's why.)

Still, my braces were prematurely removed because we still haven't achieved the desired results - my upper and lower teeth are still not properly aligned. I need to wear a rubber mouthpiece every night for 2 years so I won't be babalu, and maybe when I've saved enough I'll have my teeth fixed again.

Thank you parents for my braces.

I've been begging them for me to have braces since I was 10 (I guess). All the coolest kids in school have braces. It's a status symbol in the Philippines but we couldn't afford it then. I finally had mine when I was 16, because my sister needed them due to some mildly serious jaw problem. If they were going to let my sister have them, they should let me have too coz I was asking them for the longest time. Haha. And of course my teeth really were crooked and crowded plus my canine teeth were protruding, and I always had to cover my mouth when I laughed. I even resorted to going to a cheapo quack dentist who removed two of my upper molars, so when my mother finally brought me to a real orthodontist, she really had a difficult time with my case.

Anyhoo, all that's changed now. Smile!

Tagged

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 7 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
Continue this game by sending it to other people.

(I was tagged by Jeslaine.)

If your lover betrayed you, what would ur reaction be?
I think no pain in this world can equal this.

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
my ever ever after♥ (also Jeslaine's answer)

What will your dream wedding be like?
The set-up doesn't really matter as long as I'm marrying John.

Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
Yes. There are so many uncertainties. I hate uncertainties. But through this I think God is teaching me to be more patient and to always trust in Him.

What's your ideal lover like?
Last time I've listed out physical characteristics, but when a person comes to your life for that certain purpose, you'd be surprised to find that you don't really care about that list anymore.
(This is only because I never thought I'd ever be with a Caucasian. But now I think my boyfriend is the most good-looking one in the whole universe.)

But anyway, I'd like somebody who has faith and fears God, loves his own family like I do mine, and shares my dream of having a family of our own someday.

And well, the usual stuff - romantic, caring, understanding, can make me laugh, etc.

Do you have a person you wish you will be with now?
John Everett Fisher.

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Equally blessed.

How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Until God says it's time to let go. (same as Missy's answer)

If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
Make a gayuma and hope it works. Chaka.

Is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
Being away from the most important people in my life.

Is being tagged fun?
Ya. I am so bored and free that's why I'm doing this.

Who are currently the most important people to you?
God, my family, my friends, and of course John.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I've never met Jeslaine in person but I've seen her pictures and read her blog and I know she's a beautiful person inside and out.

Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor?
I've come to realize that having material things would never ever bring you true happiness nor satisfy you if it's not shared with someone who's of utmost importance to you.

I'd rather be married to the right person and be poor than be single and rich.

Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes, I always do. And that's the problem, coz I did that even to people who didn't deserve it. Now I'm very happy I found someone who does.

If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
The one who truly loves me back.

describe an ideal date.
hiking the grand canyon again. or snorkeling at the bahamas haha. anyway it would have to be outdoors, not in a fancy restaurant. stargazing at night, then retiring to our little tent afterwards.

If given the chance to turn back time, will you?
i always thought i would say yes,
but no.
everything that has happened in my life has led up to this point.
everything has made me who i am today,
and i wouldn't change any of that.
there's a reason why God let it all happen. (same as Jeslaine's answer again :)

What is the last thing you would do before you die?
Hug everybody who's important to me, thank them, and tell them I love them.

I'll tag everyone who wants to do this. ;)

happy parents day

I don't know how God does it. Like, does he have an algorithm for designating which baby would belong to which parents? I guess it's pretty common knowledge that there are around 6 billion people in this planet right now, and it's only tonight I've wondered how many people have been born since the dawn of the ages. Well, according to this website, the answer is roughly 106 billion. Wow. 106 billion Grand Plans for every one of those individuals?

Well, however God does it, I'm glad I was born to these folks I've known all my life as Mama and Papa.

***

Thank you for giving me a chance to live, even though I was unexpected. It must have been tough during those days, and choosing to have me must have entailed a lot of sacrifices that I don't even want to imagine. I hope that when you look at me today and see what I have become, it's all worth it.

Thank you for raising me up the best that you could. Thank you for being there for us your children. Thank you for a family that I am very proud of. Thank you that we all get along. Of course no family is perfect, but thank you for all your efforts to gel us together with a strong sense of familial bond, but at the same time not stifling us to conform into whatever ideals and instead letting us find our own niche in this world as individuals.

Thank you for being cool parents. Thank you because we are a family, but we all are friends too, and we are happy to be around each other. I've taken that for granted when I was just a little kid - I thought it was like that for everybody.

Thank you for asking us whether your shoes match your top, or if what you're wearing looks presentable or cool enough. A gesture as simple as that makes us your kids feel important.

Thank you for food, shelter, and clothing - the basic needs according to my first grade teacher. Thank you for our education. Thank you for the little luxuries of life. Thank you for not succumbing to our whines at the grocery store when we were still very small and we wanted to buy flavored candy juice, but you told us it was "walang kwenta". It prepared us to face the harsh realities of the real world that we can't always have what we want, and not all that looks good are good. Thank you, thank you for not making us spoiled brats. Thank you for disciplining us. Thank you for saying sorry and explaining to us why you had to spank our butts. And thank you for not hurting us elsewhere.

Thank you for drawing the fish pond and the ducks for my assignment in Kinder 2. Thank you for taking the time to type out that encylopedia article about lions for my Reading assignment in third grade, when my little hands were not yet trained to use the now obsolete typewriter. Thank you for making my 6th grade valedictory speech. Haha:)

Oh my. I could just go on and on with this list. I do not know how to thank you enough. You've done such a good job as parents, that I hope when I have kids of my own they'd feel the same way about me as I feel about you.

I hope you both know that you are very special and beautiful individuals, and I'm glad God put you here on earth to be my parents. (Super belated) Happy Mother's Day Mama, and Happy Father's Day Papa. I love you so much!

Flying back to Singapore in half an hour

Unless I change my negative attitude, the default feeling is that I'm going to prison.

Why am I feeling this way? Have I become an ingrate? I know I am blessed with a job in Singapore. A new beginning, a shot at a kind of life that many from where I come from could only dream of. Why am I not happy? Why am I not excited?

Maybe my vacation is too short? I haven't felt I've bummed enough at home to compensate for all the hard work that I've expended for my final year in university, and now I'm plunging into another sort of the same stressful environment once again.

I'm scared. I'm not scared that I'd screw up at my new job. I'm scared of loneliness.

Boarding time.

God please be with me and please talk to me. I'll listen.

the wasted trip at the coffee shop post

there are many things i want to say. i didnt have a christmas 2007 blog post. mother's day post. happy birthday dimple post. happy birthday papa post. congratulations for graduating post. now im at a loss for words again.

wasted trip at the coffee shop. im going back to singapore tomorrow. im supposed to start work next week. people compare themselves to me and they think im fortunate. maybe i am but i still feel there's something lacking, and it's no big deal to be me. maybe i should be more grateful. but maybe this is how other people feel too when i compare myself to them, being them really is no big deal too. they say happiness is a choice.

i really don't like uncertainties. right now i think God is teaching me to be patient. to trust Him. he knows I really hate waiting. I hate waiting. i hate waiting. i hate waiting. i hate waiting.

i think He really wants me to learn how to be more patient.

i love my family so much. paolo's off to college. God please always guide him and be with him. my baby brother is no longer a baby anymore. i have very fond memories of when we were still kids. i think im quite protective of him. i think if i were his mom he'd be a spoiled brat. so thank God i'm not his mom. i couldn't ask for a better brother.

i really needed this break. this vacation. this chance to be with my family once again.

i was given the opportunity to have a shot at having a better life, better future. in exchange for being away from my family. i enjoy my freedom, but at times it gets really, really lonely.

anyway. nobody wants this post to be more emo.

see ya.