"When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his (or her) dream" - Paulo Coelho
Yes I am witnessing the little events that would eventually turn the tide and make my dreams into a reality. If you don't know yet, I am really, really determined to go back to the United States of America and start a new chapter of my life there (with John) after I finish my studies in Singapore. In my dreams, it would be right away, but there are things in life that are out of one's control.
The first time when we were apart after I finished my Grand Canyon stint and left the US, I suffered withdrawal symptoms too and made it my goal to go back. That was when I sought for ways and finally landed myself an internship in Florida for this July. I was really grateful for that chance but until now I don't have a visa yet. I was supposed to get one when I went back to the Philippines last February, but I didn't (long story). The internship is unpaid as well, and I don't know how I am going to survive for five months if I go. So most probably I won't, although until now I haven't informed the company yet.
And then after 5 months of not seeing each other, John came and visited me in Singapore!!! I am really super grateful to God for that chance. We both needed that. Now we are really very sure of each other. He also got to meet all of the people who mattered to me in Singapore. I'd be proud to introduce him to my parents too, but they are in the Philippines. He stayed for almost three months. My three happiest months in this small island country.
Then of course he had to go back to the US to do his own stuff, while I'm still here surviving every day of the next 9 weeks until I finish my studies. So I wept everyday for one whole week, but my period of self-pity party is over. I admit I was paralyzed by pain during that time and couldn't really function. But now is the time to stand up, live my life again as I know it, and take action.
Actually I already did. I emailed, like, my whole clan in the US (my maternal grandmother has 11 siblings if I'm not mistaken and all their families are there). I got their email addresses from the mailing list in one of the forwarded emails by one of my grand-aunts. See, even seemingly useless email fowards have their use now. I told them I am graduating soon and I would like to start my life in the States after I graduate, so maybe they could in any way assist me in looking for a job or suggest ways on how I could live there. Three people replied so far and they are all very encouraging. One of my grand-aunts even forwarded my resume, which she took time to modify and improve, to her colleagues. My uncle who's starting his career in law is also researching my situation. My other grand-aunt encouraged me about the good prospects in Engineering over there. Anyhoo, I am just so grateful that there are people who are willing to help along the way.
But what is most heartening is the support of my parents. I cannot express how deeply touched I am for their love and concern, and for wanting to see me happy. My mom even suggested that they could cancel their trip to Singapore so that they could give me the money instead to send me to the US after graduation. While I was so moved that she could go to great lengths to make me happy, at the same time I felt selfish too if I agree to that because I know they've been wanting to go here and they're just waiting for me to graduate. So...I don't know.
I am just really happy right now for the outpouring of support, and I am more hopeful now more than ever. I am also more motivated to really finish my studies, and it makes the burden lighter.
Thank you God for everything. I know everything will be alright. I know you will make a way.
When faced with a mountain, I will not quit! I will keep striving until I climb over, find a pass through, tunnel underneath or simply stay and turn the mountain into a gold mine, with God's help. - Robert Half